My life is full of near misses. These are just a few of them.
On the right: DJ From Roseanne
On the left: Me
The skinny: In the late 80’s, executives at ABC were looking for a kid to play the only son of comedienne, Roseanne Barr, in her groundbreaking sitcom. I came close, but the part went to none other than Michael Fishman. That's him on the right, but I'm on the left with the 'Hot Keyz.' It just goes to show, you can have all the tools and all the looks, but still not get the part.
On the right: Vince Vaughn
On the left: Me
The skinny: In 2004, movie director Todd Phillips was fresh off of the success of Old School, which starred none other than, Vince Vaughn. And, when the time came to find a tall, dark, and handsome villain for Starsky & Hutch, the choice was natural — and I got left in the dark, again.
On the right: Joaquin Phoenix
On the left: Me
The skinny: I had another stroke of bad luck in 2004, when Jonathan Russell was looking for a leading man to star in his flick about firefighters called, "Ladder 49." Again, an actor with dark features and great eyes was needed. Again, I fell short of getting my chance. Enter: Joaquin Phoenix.
On the top: Me
On the bottom: "Mikey" from the Starbucks ads
The skinny: Sometime in late 2010, a little coffee chain wanted to better connect with potential recruits. Then, they found some husky guy with a beard whose face would sing from each location’s window. And guess what? It wasn’t me.
On the left: Me
On the right: George Clooney
The skinny: Maybe I don’t have a famous Aunt whose closet floor I can sleep on, but I like to think I have talent. Apparently, NBC studio execs didn’t think I had much of an "It" factor. At least, not as much as this joker: George Clooney. And, to think...all I needed was a season or two on ER and my career would have fell before me like palms before a Dutchess.
On the left: Me
On the right: Chris Pratt
The skinny: I’d put on a little bit of weight back in 2009. Living in Germany and eating nothing but Schnitzel will do that. But, when NBC executives needed a bigger guy to play the role of the dufus on a promising new comedy, Parks and Recreation, they neglected me and went with Chris Pratt. Those jerks. But, yeah...Chris is cool. So, no worries. I’m also all buff now, too. Just like him.